This week!!!!!!

This week a friend asked how I feel about turning 50 next year!!!!! Uau!!!! I can't believe it myself, but hello I still 48....
Then I remember how I felt when I was about to turn 40, I was a little depressed, sad, then I said to myself, that's just numbers, the real age is how you feel inside, it's your spirit, your heart. So I gave myself a BIG PARTY, all my guests came in black, my decoration was black, white and purple, it was soooooo beautiful. My cake was a grave and it said " here lays my youth"
I always say, I' feel blessed just to be me, there are things that I'd differently, some I still can, some I can't do the same things, but I can do other things. I'm happy, I'm married and I love my husband, I feel loved, I have 4 beautiful and health children and I have a dog, for me I have a great life, it's great for me.
I read few month ago, for all of us are given the same amount of time, 24 hrs a day and what we choose to do with our hrs is up to us. I always tell my kids our life belongs to God, but our choices is up to us and I believe on that.
Sometimes I few like telling people you're being stupid, wake up, but it's not up to me, for sure 25,30,35 years ago somebody felt the same way about me, but me too thought I new at all we all think that we know at all.
I made bad decision along my way in life, nothing that I'm terrible sorry, or ashamed, or regret that bad, but are things that I always said I'd do different. Then I think today, at this moment, at 48 years of age, if I had done different chances are everything else could be different.
I know I sound crazy sometimes, but I like, I love what I have, and what I think would be so wonderful and perfect is because I never had, I just wonder. There is a purpose in everything.
I want to go back to school and finish my degree in child development that I started few years ago, I need to talk to the adviser and tell them where I want to go, I want to work in the future when Tati goes to HS with foster care children. I want to help them. I need to see how many hrs I need to finish and I'm going to do it.
I'm fighting with this desire for years, but now I want, I'm ready :)
That's so much in this world that need to be done, I wish I could rescue all the children, elderly and animal that suffer, feed all the hungry, but I can't, but I can do some, next year I'm going to rescue a dog and I'll make somebody life better :)